Last night I asked my husband to hand me his phone because I was looking for pictures of our sons first bath and I thought they were taken on his phone. As I scrolled through trying to find those pictures I found a few pictures of me and Avery that I hadn’t seen before. I didn’t know these photos were taken and was pleasantly surprised to find them. Not because they are particularly cute or high quality but because he had taken them in general.
You see, several times since we decided to start a family I have tagged him in Facebook posts about how husbands should take more pictures of their wives with the kids because the mom usually takes a million pictures of everyone else but no one takes pictures of her. I have also casually reminded him a couple times within the past year to “please take pictures once in a while if he can remember.”
Tonight I asked him to send me any pictures he had taken of us, which he did and my heart felt so happy. Most of them are pictures I wouldn’t normally post to social media or print off to put in a frame because either I’m asleep or they are VERY unflattering of me or our house doesn’t look clean in the background or because I’m not looking at the camera in any of them but you know what, I LOVE them. I love them because they are real, because they’re not staged, they’re not selfies, and they are the ordinary moments. The everyday moments that you don’t realize are going by so fast until they’ve passed. I could cry looking at the ones of Avery and I both asleep as we got the hang of things together in the first few weeks at home because my sweet boy isn’t a tiny baby now and hasn’t fallen asleep on the couch with his mama in a LONG time.
I am so thankful that he took them and that I have them. However, if you’re reading this thinking “wow she’s so lucky her husband takes pictures like this for her, mine would never” or “I don’t even have a husband, no one will ever take pictures of me with my kids” or something along those lines; I can’t reiterate enough that while, yes I am very lucky/blessed to have Ryan (he is an amazing husband and father)- the reason we have these photos isn’t because I’m lucky. It’s because we communicate. It’s because I communicated more than once exactly what I want and after seeing the photos I communicated how appreciative and grateful I am that he took them.
Earlier this evening a close friend asked me “How’s everything going? How are you and Ryan?” I started to say “We’re great, he’s been so good about…” then I stopped myself and said “Actually, I’ve been really good about remembering he’s not a mind reader and communicating when I need help or a break or extra effort or whatever it is I want or need and as long as I’m doing that, he’s been great about supporting me and making sure I have time to take care of whatever I need to do to stay in a good head space”. This hasn’t always been the case and it won’t stay all butterfly’s and rainbows forever because that’s not how life or marriage works. We have our good weeks and our less perfect weeks for sure but I have noticed when we communicate effectively things go so much more smooth and this feels like a communication win!
The importance of communication goes for all aspects of life but in reference to the picture situation, I feel like I got what I wanted because I asked for it and reminded him about it multiple times. Not because it comes naturally to him or because he loves taking pictures (he doesn’t) but because he knew it was/is important to me so he remembered. If it is important to you, you have to tell someone. You can’t just hope that someone will do it automatically. If it’s important to you TELL SOMEONE THAT. It could be anyone in your life, just tell them “I want to have pictures of me with my kids so if you ever happen to think about it when we’re together and wouldn’t mind snapping a few photos and sending them to me, I would really appreciate it”. In reference to marriage, most of us know by now- that you have to chose your spouse every single day. In, our marriage we have to chose to communicate every single day because when we don’t, we end up bickering or frustrated with each other. When I have a rough day or week and I feel like I’ve given every ounce of energy in my body to Avery, Ryan, work, school, the dogs, the house, etc.- if I communicate to Ryan “I’m stressed and overwhelmed and just need a little “me-time”, can you please take care of Ave for a couple hours so I can get out of the house alone?” He will usually say “yeah sounds good, have fun” and I will come back fully reset and ready to conquer everything on my plate again. If I don’t communicate and just bottle it up, I will eventually cry or snap at him over something super tiny like him leaving his socks on the floor and then he will be like “woah, I’m sorry I will pick my socks up” and it’ll end up a way bigger deal because by that point we’re bickering or I’m having a melt down but the truth is, I’m not melting down because of the socks- I’m melting down because I failed to communicate and take care of myself so that I could take care of everything else.
This post has ended up being a way longer rant than I intended but the moral of the story is communication is so important in marriage and TAKE 👏🏻 PICTURES 👏🏻 OF 👏🏻 YOUR 👏🏻 FRIENDS 👏🏻 WITH 👏🏻 THEIR 👏🏻 KIDS 👏🏻😂
Lastly, please enjoy this photo of my Popeye looking arm and please be aware my arms are not actually this big in real life.